Friday, January 18, 2019

Grieving with Gratitude

I have changed the focus of my blog to encompass my journey of learning how to be a widow.  Honestly I will be treating this like the journal of my life moving forward.  It may be hard for you to read.  I know it will be hard for me to write, but I am doing this to help myself and anyone else who finds themselves in the position of loss.  You know that quilting will be instrumental to this journey.

It has been 1 month since I lost my partner.  It's still hard to be creative.  The ideas get jumbled up in my head.  I spent a good deal of time decluttering my house, including my studio.  So many things were put off, thinking one of us would get to it.  The explosion of Mini Mosaics consumed the productive part of our day.  We spent so much time in and out of doctor's offices, in and out of hospitals, in and out of Philadelphia.  I am so grateful that we explored every avenue and never gave up trying to extend his life.  There are no regrets, no what ifs.

I have been working on mindless sewing projects.  I made drawstring bags for a Jewish charity in Rochester.  As I cleaned my studio, I came across some partly finished projects that were perfect to work on.  The first was this wedge quilt wallhanging made with fabric that I hand dyed. I think I made it about 3 years ago.  I had 3 other blocks.  If memory serves me correctly, I was going to make a 4 block quilt, but decided it would be too large.  I did a circular quilting pattern with my walking foot.  It was perfect for my lack of creativity.  The walking foot kind of became a metaphor for moving ahead, putting one foot in front of the other.

Through all of this, so far, my sparks of joy have been Bailey and Henry. Henry got me to leave the house to go to Disney on Ice or the movies or to see the lighted trees in Rose Tree Park or  just to pick him up.
Bailey became my security blanket.  I took her with me wherever I could.  I thought she would be just as lonely as I was if I left her home alone. What a wonderful companion.

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