Sunday, February 24, 2019

Grieving with Gratitude

The problem with social media is everyone puts on their best face.  Their life is wonderful and perfect.  Their children are perfect.  They are married to the love of their life.  Their house is always ready for a photo op. It really gives us all such unrealistic expectations.  

I always have believed in being truthful and I don't want you to think I am breezing though this grief thing.. I am currently having a huge meltdown. The sadness has crept into my whole being and it’s hard to shake it. I feel like I am going to be sad forever. The same thoughts keep cycling  through my head. It comes after feeling guilty that I was coping with momentary set backs and wasn’t sad enough. This is truly a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I miss him. He lifted me up.  He empowered me as a designer.  He reminded me over and over again how talented I was, because I always doubt myself.  Our relationship wasn't perfect, but his encouragement helped me get to here.   I keep thinking about finding that “something” that will spark joy. Right now I can't think of a thing.

It’s early morning. I’m sitting in his recliner. Bailey is asleep on my lap. Henry is asleep upstairs. I’ll search for a project to do today. I hope I can find a distraction and try to continue to put one foot in front of the other or is it 2 steps forward and one step back?  I think I need to go make something.

At the beginning of the week, I worked on my project for a blog hop for this new book: Text It! by Sherri Noel, who blogs as rebeccamaedesigns. 
The project I chose was perfect for the dog panel fabric that I bought at Stitch Central a few weeks ago. You'll have to wait for the blog tour.  I'm at the end! I'll keep you posted. I do have another idea for it. I'm just crazy about it.

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