Grieving With Gratitude

On March 21st, I was reminded of my love of quilters, quilt guilds and why I love what I do.  I drove to Fairfax, VA early in the morning, in the dark and pouring rain to the Fairfax chapter of Quilters Unlimited.  It took me a little more than 3 hours, but that;s how I deal with Washington DC traffic and not having to be apart from Bailey any longer than I have to.  How can I leave this adorable face?

My talk was titled "Turn Travel Into Treasures" and the focus of it is how travel has inspired lots of my quilts.  Some of them are representational and others use a design element.  Some of them are full size quilts and others are small framed ones.  Some are made from cotton and others from silk and many combinations inbetween.  It brought me such joy to share my warm memories of travels with Don.  And I was proud of myself because I didn't cry once and didn't even tear up!  I loved how they displayed my quilts in the choir section of the church after I talked about them.  The members were

able to take a closer look at the  end of the meeting.  I was really happy to be on the road again and for those that are interested I have started to book new guild visit.  So, if you think your guild would be interested, contact me.

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I have been working on a couple of secret sewing projects that I will be able to share soon.  Mindless sewing is still a very  happy place for me.

I think I have talked about fear before, but it is still present.  I find it amazing that even though on the surface I appeared fiercely independent, it's because my husband was at home empowering me, smoothing out my travel plans, packaging my patterns and kits, running my shipping department, always knowing the best way to ship anything anywhere in the world.  So I have been taking little steps to gain an independent sensibility, just like when i painted the fireplace. After owning a longarm for 2 years and only quilting 2 quilts, I signed up for a longarm class at the AQS Lancaster quilt show by myself.  It felt good to learn a new skill in Rulers for Rookies with Lisa Calle.

The room was filled with Longarms and each one was shared by 2 people.  We each worked on a printed panel.

I definitely enjoyed using the rulers and Lisa was a great teacher. 

Thank you for travelling on this journey with me.  I hope I have helped some of you, because writing about and identifying my feelings have certainly helped me.

Look for my April newsletter soon.  I am so thrilled that someone new will be taking over the recipe column and I'm still working on naming my newest Mini Mosaic pattern.   There will be a naming poll/contest with the winner receiving a free kit.

Grieving with Gratitude

The problem with social media is everyone puts on their best face.  Their life is wonderful and perfect.  Their children are perfect.  They are married to the love of their life.  Their house is always ready for a photo op. It really gives us all such unrealistic expectations.  

I always have believed in being truthful and I don't want you to think I am breezing though this grief thing.. I am currently having a huge meltdown. The sadness has crept into my whole being and it’s hard to shake it. I feel like I am going to be sad forever. The same thoughts keep cycling  through my head. It comes after feeling guilty that I was coping with momentary set backs and wasn’t sad enough. This is truly a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I miss him. He lifted me up.  He empowered me as a designer.  He reminded me over and over again how talented I was, because I always doubt myself.  Our relationship wasn't perfect, but his encouragement helped me get to here.   I keep thinking about finding that “something” that will spark joy. Right now I can't think of a thing.

It’s early morning. I’m sitting in his recliner. Bailey is asleep on my lap. Henry is asleep upstairs. I’ll search for a project to do today. I hope I can find a distraction and try to continue to put one foot in front of the other or is it 2 steps forward and one step back?  I think I need to go make something.

At the beginning of the week, I worked on my project for a blog hop for this new book: Text It! by Sherri Noel, who blogs as rebeccamaedesigns. 

The project I chose was perfect for the dog panel fabric that I bought at Stitch Central a few weeks ago. You'll have to wait for the blog tour.  I'm at the end! I'll keep you posted. I do have another idea for it. I'm just crazy about it.