Grieving With Gratitude

This is the end of the road for the "TEXT IT!" blog hop.

Sherri Noel has included such fun projects. The other bloggers made such  wonderful interpretations.  I chose to make the sewing machine pad. Below is the photo from the book.

It was perfect for this adorable new fabric that I had just bought at Stitch Central..

I had to widen the sewing pad a little to fit the panel, but it came out so cute.  

It's the most adorable fabric.   It's also available with cats. I just love the flower bouquets in their hair.

Do you want some of this fabric and live too far away from Stitch Central in PA, you can call them or  here's the selvage if you want to search on line.

So what would a blog hop be without a giveaway? Leave a comment sharing whether you prefer adding words to your quilts using applique or piecing it?  If you haven't done it yet, this book will be a real inspiration for you, so tell me which one you'll use first.  The winner will receive the book, TEXT IT! from Martingale and 2 spools of thread from Aurifil.  The final day to enter is Sunday 3/17.  I'll pick a winner at midnight.

For the wrap up of the hop, head to Sherri Noel's blog tomorrow for the final giveaway.

I'll spare you from talking about my grief journey in this post.  Let's just work on winning this giveaway!

Grieving with Gratitude

I'm participating in a blog hop for a book called TEXT IT! by Sherri Noel.

I really love words and fonts and letters and have over the years come up with many ways to include them on my quilts, so I was excited when someone wrote a book sharing lots of quilts with words.

My project is the sewing machine mat.  As a sneak peek, Sherri made this pin for me to share.

I'll share my project on the blog hop on Friday March 15th, along with 2 other bloggers. Until then there are bloggers sharing their projects.  The hop has already started and every day each blogger will be giving away a copy of the book and 2 spools of Aurifil thread.  So make sure that you visit the other bloggers to win a copy of the book.  I'll share my project on Friday. Here's the remainder of the hop.

MONDAY MARCH 11 - COUNTING SHEEP

DEANNE EISENMAN - WWW.SNUGGLESQUILTS.COM

RAEWYN BARGE - WWW.STITCHINGFARMGIRL.BLOGSPOT.COM

SUSAN PELLAND - WWW.SUEPELLANDDESIGNS.COM

TUESDAY MARCH 12 - HOME PILLOW

JOANNE HARRIS - WWW.QUILTSBYJOANNE.BLOGSPOT.CA

PATTY DUDEK - WWW.ELMSTREETQUILTS.COM

ANDY KNOWLTON - WWW.ABRIGHTCORNER.COM

SANDRA STARLEY - WWW.UTAHQUILTAPPRAISER.BLOGSPOT.COM

CINDY PIETERS - WWW.STITCHINATHOME.COM

WEDNESDAY MARCH 13 - LIFE IS SHORT

BECCA FENSTERMAKER - WWW.PRETTYPINEY.COM

KATIE BOCK - WWW.SEWINGWITHKATIE.BLOGSPOT.COM

ALLA BLANCA - WWW.RAINBOWSBUNNIESCUPCAKES.BLOGSPOT.COM

THURSDAY MARCH 14 - HUSTLE PILLOW

TERRI BANDEN BOSCH - WWW.MEANDERINGSALONGLIZARDCREEK.BLOGSPOT.COM

WILLOW OLSON - WWW.BEARPAWDESIGNBLOG.WORDPRESS.COM

ERIN SAMPSON - http://auribuzz.wordpress.com/

FRIDAY MARCH 15 - SEWING MAT

LAUREN WRIGHT - WWW.MOLLYANDMAMA.COM.AU

SANDRA HEALY     - WWW.SANDRAHEALYDESIGNS.COM

CHERYL KRISEL LYNCH - http://www.cheryllynchquilts.blogspot.com/

SATURDAY MARCH 16 – WRAP UP 

SHERRI NOEL - WWW.REBECCAMAEDESIGNS.COM 

If you are new to my blog and wonder what my quilting specialty is, I love to invent tools and techniques and share them with other quilters.

Curvalicious was the first tool and using fusible applique, you can make curved looking quilts easily.

Check it out at www.Curvalicious.net.

Recently, I designed these adorable Mini Mosaic quilts that are so much fun to make whether you're 8 or 80.  You can see lots of them in my ETSY shop.

And you can see lots of my quilts and my travel schedule on my website

Last week, I was able to put a name to some feelings I was having. 

FEAR

I haven't heard anyone talk about this in the grieving process. 

As a recent widow, I realized I didn't have a safety net.  I'm impetuous and I leap into new situations.  But, I always had someone to catch me, to fix it and to get me out of jams.  I don't like being afraid and find it leads to tears - lots of tears.  I decided to try and empower myself and decided to paint my fireplace brick.  I have wanted to do it for 3 years, to brighten my family room.  Don was the painter.  He agreed to do it, but never had enough energy.   About a year ago, my DIL volunteered to do it, but I was worried the smell would bother his sensitive respiratory system. 

So I watched some YouTube videos, screwed up my courage and then headed to the local paint store. 

It took me 3 days to do what might take someone else a day, but I was so happy with the results.

I'm not ready to paint a room, but maybe one day! 

Grieving with Gratitude

The problem with social media is everyone puts on their best face.  Their life is wonderful and perfect.  Their children are perfect.  They are married to the love of their life.  Their house is always ready for a photo op. It really gives us all such unrealistic expectations.  

I always have believed in being truthful and I don't want you to think I am breezing though this grief thing.. I am currently having a huge meltdown. The sadness has crept into my whole being and it’s hard to shake it. I feel like I am going to be sad forever. The same thoughts keep cycling  through my head. It comes after feeling guilty that I was coping with momentary set backs and wasn’t sad enough. This is truly a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I miss him. He lifted me up.  He empowered me as a designer.  He reminded me over and over again how talented I was, because I always doubt myself.  Our relationship wasn't perfect, but his encouragement helped me get to here.   I keep thinking about finding that “something” that will spark joy. Right now I can't think of a thing.

It’s early morning. I’m sitting in his recliner. Bailey is asleep on my lap. Henry is asleep upstairs. I’ll search for a project to do today. I hope I can find a distraction and try to continue to put one foot in front of the other or is it 2 steps forward and one step back?  I think I need to go make something.

At the beginning of the week, I worked on my project for a blog hop for this new book: Text It! by Sherri Noel, who blogs as rebeccamaedesigns. 

The project I chose was perfect for the dog panel fabric that I bought at Stitch Central a few weeks ago. You'll have to wait for the blog tour.  I'm at the end! I'll keep you posted. I do have another idea for it. I'm just crazy about it.

Grieving with Gratitude

I bought the pattern "Dogs with Sweaters" a couple of years ago.  I bought it to make a gift for a friend in Key West.  Dachshunds are very popular there and this friend owns 2! On New Year's Eve day, there's a parade down Duval St of dachshunds and their owners.  Some are dressed in costumes and some are au naturelle.  They invite all dogs to be an honorary dachshund for the day.

It starts at noon  and it's a short parade due to the shortness of their legs (LOL)!

I was so surprised to see so many doxies with such different looks.

After being spectators for a couple of years, Bailey became an honorary one and we marched in the parade, in a very appropriate costume.

If you want t read more, I wrote an entire blog post about it HERE.

The original pattern by Elizabeth Hartman is named Dogs in Sweaters. 

Since I was making it for a resident of Key West, I dressed the dog in a tropical shirt. The dilemma was the direction of the print.  Logical vs eye pleasing?

I chose eye pleasing.

With glasses or without?

 And of course Bailey had to get in on the action.  I call this photo "Dog on Dog".

I'm heading down to Key West in April and I  can't wait to gift it.

I should be in Key West now, but couldn't bear to go alone.  We actually made the difficult decision to release our rental hold on our place back in October, because the trip would have been too difficult and we didn't want to be so far from Don's doctors, and what if he worsened while we there? It certainly turned out to be the right decision. 
This April trip was planned for a while. Don wanted me to go, because he couldn't fly. We had major work done to our place.  We had never seen it, so the plan was for me to go down in April, when it wasn't rented, to check it out.  Back then, I invited my DIL to come with me.  Now I'm so relieved that she is coming with Henry and my son, because I am so afraid to go.  All the wonderful memories from sitting on our porch to courtyard dinners to all the restaurants and art classes, riding my bike and the sunshine.  It was a special way to spend the Winter.  I am so grateful.

Grieving with Gratitude

Mini projects have worked out the best for be.  Small, quick to finish and without much planning.

My DIL's mother is undergoing chemo for breast cancer.  I wanted to make her something to let her know I was thinking of her and rooting for her wellness. A wonderful friend of mine (Thank you Jeanette) suggested I make these small pillows to protect the sensitive area by the port when wearing a seat belt.  

I found a few places with sketchy directions.  There were even some for sale on Etsy.  I thought I would share my easy peasy way of Chemo Port Pillows.   

I liked using fun and cheerful fabrics.  Who wouldn't smile every time they buckled up seeing some colorful flamingos.  You don't need much.

2 rectangles:  3   1/2" x  6   1/2"  

and

3" of  1/2" sew-in Velcro

Pin the Velcro in place, overlapping the edges, making sure only one side is in the seam allowance.

Place the fabric right sides together.  Stitch around with a 1/4" seam allowance leaving a 2" opening at one of the short ends.

Trim the corners and turn right side out.

Turn under the 1/4" seam allowance by the opening and press.

Stuff and stitch the opening closed.  

The velcro belts wrap around to keep them in place on the seat belt.

I made a bunch.  I thought she could use them for different cars or different outfits or share with other chemo patients.

I am also working on a quilt using someone else's pattern.  It's also easy peasy, but it's secret sewing.  I'm hoping to finish it soon.

I try to keep busy when I'm not in my studio.  Packaging orders from my Etsy shop really keeps my mind occupied.  I've learned so much about the best way to ship and how to label. I so appreciate my loyal and new customers.  You just don't know how much it means. Thank you.

I've heard from many friends from the past expressing their condolences.  I hooked up with my bicycling friends from years ago.  Did I want to go on a hike at Linvilla Orchards for Pie Day? Last day of the sale! I brought my little friend and had a wonderful time just not talking and just thinking about walking up and down the hills without tripping over roots and rocks.  Bailey was the star!

I was planning on buying the Dutch apple pie, but was lured away by the pineapple upside down pie that was one of the most delicious pies I have ever eaten.

I just never know when sadness will overtake me.  Sometimes the memories are hard.  The other day I was sitting in the parking lot outside of our Supermarket, crying my heart out,  remembering the last time Don went supermarket shopping. I can't even remember how long ago it was.  I received a phone call after he was gone about an hour. It was him. “ Could you please come get me?” He was sitting by one of the front doors. He didn’t have the energy to walk any more. It was the last time doing something he loved to do. He so enjoyed shopping and cooking.  I then became his shopper with his detailed lists.  I didn’t mind at all. I knew how hard it was for him to ask for my help and lose his independence. He’d give me coupons and codes. Sometimes I spent a good amount of time walking up and down the aisles looking for that special new product that neither of us would eat!  

Grieving with Gratitude

As I've been decluttering my studio, I've been coming across some UFOs (unfinished objects for you non-quilters).  In the past I would have just let them languish - too guilty to throw out, but not interesting enough to finish.  But now I view them as mindless sewing. I started opening the drawers in my plastic storage towers.  One was filled with red, white and blue fabric.  This was perfect to make a veteran's quilt for our quilt guild's charitable projects.

Some of the pieces were pieced.  Some of the fabric was cut.  

There were lots of setting triangles - large ones.

I had no recollection of my initial plan.  I can't even remember when I started this.  I don't own any of this type of fabric any more. So, I knew I had to use what was in that drawer.  The paper pieced flying geese strips were the start of my playing and I added the setting triangles.

It really became one big puzzle.  I really enjoyed the process.  The large setting triangles were used to lengthen the quilt to make it more of a lap size quilt. But if you notice, there is a hole in the center of the quilt.  I am probably the only person that decided to create a quilt from the outside in.

A pinwheel block filled the space pretty well.  

Finished the top measures  42"x63" and now I will pass it off to another quilt guild member to quilt. (Thank you Cindy.)  It might be another bunch of years if I was to quilt it.

My first outing without Bailey and without Henry was to check out a new quilt shop with my dear friend, Joyce Hughes.  Joyce lives quite far away.  She wanted to visit me and I didn't have the heart to make her drive all the way to my house.  A meet up at  Stitch Central was a great compromise.

 I did have to put on my big girl panties to walk out the door and leave Bailey behind. 

It's a very quaint shop in an historic building.  The woodwork and beams are so beautiful.  The fabric is located upstairs in the loft.

On the main floor is yarn and embroidery supplies and the two nicest owners ever.

I did buy some very cute fabric that I'm planning on using for a book blog tour.  Look for it in March.

Speaking of friends, I have been over whelmed with cards and emails and phone calls.  They all mean so much to me with their love and support.  In the beginning, I just couldn't leave the house.  Staying at home, or cocooning was my security zone.  I was so grateful for visits from friends.  Being home alone all day makes for a very long day.

The vacation hold has been lifted from my Etsy shop.  Every day I accomplish more and more.  I am now ready to start packaging and shipping.  I will be offering a special discount in my next newsletter, so sit tight for a day or two. If you're not a subscriber, make sure you sign up now, by clicking HERE. 

Grieving with Gratitude

I have changed the focus of my blog to encompass my journey of learning how to be a widow.  Honestly I will be treating this like the journal of my life moving forward.  It may be hard for you to read.  I know it will be hard for me to write, but I am doing this to help myself and anyone else who finds themselves in the position of loss.  You know that quilting will be instrumental to this journey.

It has been 1 month since I lost my partner.  It's still hard to be creative.  The ideas get jumbled up in my head.  I spent a good deal of time decluttering my house, including my studio.  So many things were put off, thinking one of us would get to it.  The explosion of Mini Mosaics consumed the productive part of our day.  We spent so much time in and out of doctor's offices, in and out of hospitals, in and out of Philadelphia.  I am so grateful that we explored every avenue and never gave up trying to extend his life.  There are no regrets, no what ifs.

I have been working on mindless sewing projects.  I made drawstring bags for a Jewish charity in Rochester.  As I cleaned my studio, I came across some partly finished projects that were perfect to work on.  The first was this wedge quilt wallhanging made with fabric that I hand dyed. I think I made it about 3 years ago.  I had 3 other blocks.  If memory serves me correctly, I was going to make a 4 block quilt, but decided it would be too large.  I did a circular quilting pattern with my walking foot.  It was perfect for my lack of creativity.  The walking foot kind of became a metaphor for moving ahead, putting one foot in front of the other.

Through all of this, so far, my sparks of joy have been Bailey and Henry. Henry got me to leave the house to go to Disney on Ice or the movies or to see the lighted trees in Rose Tree Park or  just to pick him up.

 

Bailey became my security blanket.  I took her with me wherever I could.  I thought she would be just as lonely as I was if I left her home alone. What a wonderful companion.